kung paano maging manhid…..

hindi ko alam….

kung alam ko lang….

sana hindi ako ganito ngayon…

sana wala akong nararamdaman ngayon…

para mas maging madali para sa kin…

pero hindi….dahil ramdam na ramdam ko……….

una pa lang alam ko na….

pero eto pa rin ako….kung kaya ko lang pigilan ang sarili ko…

ginawa ko na….

kung pano…..hindi ko alam….

kung bakit….hindi ko alam….

sana…sana…..sana….alam ko…..

kung bakit ikaw pa….hindi ko alam….

kung bakit ako pa…..hindi ko din alam

ang alam ko lang….kahit masakit, kahit mahirap….mahal kita…

sana alam mo yan….sana nararamdaman mo yan…..

gusto kong marinig ang boses mo, gusto kong madama ang yakap mo….

kung pano….hindi ko alam….

sana……….sana……

…do you know what is the one wish of the person i know who is laughing outside but inside is dying?

for God to take everything that she felt….everything…..to make her free from all the emotions that all life has to offer….

….she’s so tired of crying, so tired of being hurt, so tired of hoping, so tired of waiting, so tired of being alone, so tired of loving a person who doesn’t love her back, so tired of missing a person who doesn’t miss her, so tired of giving all she could give to make other people happy, so tired of living, so tired of breathing, so tired of thinking when this will end, so tired of everything…

…all her life, she just wanted to have a simple yet happy life, just being surrounded by her loved ones is enough to keep her going and fight for every challenges and struggles that she might encounter…but life isn’t too good for her…there were so many many times when she will see herself crying by the thought that she’s alone…. she wanted to tell the world what she feels right now, but she couldn’t….

…she wanted to give up but there are so many things that needs to be considered… there were times when she doesn’t know where to go, because even God can’t hear her…

…if only i know how to ease her pain, if only i know how to erase everything for her, if only i know how to make her feel better, if only i know the real reason for all of these, i would really help her….

…though i’m hurting inside too….

If there will come a day when you feel like crying…you can call me…I can not promise that I can make you laugh but I can really cry with you….If there will come a day when you don’t want to listen or talk to anyone….you can call me…I promise to be there for you and you know what…I promise to be very very quiet…If one day you feel like talking anything….call me and I promise to just listen to what you have to say….

But if one day when you call…and there is no answer….please come fast to see me….because maybe i need you…maybe i need someone by my side….

If I ever made you feel bad or put you down…I’m sorry…Do not forget that through good times and bad…I will always be here for you…I will always be someone you can lean on, someone you can turn to when things go wrong, I will always be here to be your friend forever….

learning from it

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, they are serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people maybe, it may be someone you know all your life or a totally complete stranger, who, when you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that he or she will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things happen to you and at the same time they seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you somehow realized your strength and will power of your heart and faith in God. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance. When someone came into your life in every possible way, there is a reason behind that meeting and knowing. You may have arguments, confrontations, tears, lost moments or true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of the soul. Without these tests, if they may be events, or anything, life would be like a smooth, paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. Safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless. The ones you meet who affect your life and successes and downfalls you experience , they are the ones who contribute for what you become and create who you are. Even the bad experiences can be learned from… Those lessons are the hardest and probably the most important ones.

There were so many times when i’ve been hurt by the ones i’ve loved…i’ve cried so many times…i’ve picked up the pieces so many times…there were times when i don’t know where to go, what to do, who to believe…but somehow there were also people who showed me the way, and  i thank them for that. And along the way, i know that i’ve hurt some people too, and i’m sorry for that…really, i am.

If someone hurts me, betrays me, or breaks my heart….i forgive them, for i know they have helped me learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom i open my heart. Make everyday count. Appreciate every moment and take from everything that you possibly can, for i know i can never be able to experience it again.